hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
