i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
