Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
