I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
