just come out here and I will go home with you...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
