all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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