You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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