Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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