Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's always time for handjobs
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
