DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
