he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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