One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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