Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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