Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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