youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
