That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
