DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
