You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
