piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And then my night got REAL pukey
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
