I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
