i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize