dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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