If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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