Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
