Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
