I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize