she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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