Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
dude. I can hear the air.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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