i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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