I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
