Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
