The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
