yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
