went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize