Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
