just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
