so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
