so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
