I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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