And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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