When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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