So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
