when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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