We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
