My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
