Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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