Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
