Please, let me fuck your mom
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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