ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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