no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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