i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
