I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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