I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
