what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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