I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
