I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
