Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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