So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize