Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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