apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
