I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
