I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
