He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
