I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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