Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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