The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
