Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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