Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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