I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
