Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
