True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We are two peas in an std pod
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize