i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
