woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
