She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
