I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
