I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
