Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
