i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
