she was so not down for the gang bang
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
