I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
