I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize