matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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