; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
