just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
