out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
